high people should be assigned attendants
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
