I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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