just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
