my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
