I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
birth control should be required to get into college
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize