Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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