i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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