12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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