I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I AM VODKA MAN
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
