I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
