he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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