Midget sex pt 2 tonight
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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