They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My pussy is not your playground.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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