just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize