really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
