But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
