don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
3 2 1 whiskey
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