Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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