god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize