hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
