This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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