That's intense
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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