I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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