Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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