I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
