hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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