we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
