1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
