New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
