the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
