I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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