So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
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You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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