But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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