Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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