I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i out mim tonsoeep
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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