I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize