you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
