Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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