I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.