Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness