I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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