I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize