He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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