Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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