Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
