covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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