yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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