if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
