i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
