are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
