pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
nutella sex= disaster
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
