I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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