i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
