i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could order shots online.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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