I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
