barbara walters just said penis...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
