I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
