I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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