Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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