Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize